Friday, March 22, 2002

Thatcher killed by verb!

When the faithful gathered to hear former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher give a speech on European integration today, few expected the horror that was to come. Observers say that the lizard-queen began confidently, using the words: 'dago', 'wop' and 'chink' more than forty times in her opening sentence. However, she was less than than three minutes into her insane ramblings when a verb appeared to catch in her throat leading to her imediate hospitalisation. Marc Perry, 32, who was there and once watched an episode of ER, said: "The words seemed to lodge in the back of her mouth and start strangling her, using her tongue as some sort of primitive bludgeon. I suspected the presence of subdural epidoemas instantly. I need a saline IV over here, stat!"

Earlier in the week, doctors had advised Mrs Thatcher that she should no longer speak in public, given her state of health, after she complained of 'feeling ill' on Tuesday morning. Mrs Thatcher died peacefully, whilst beating an NHS doctor about the head and chest with a poisoned walking stick.

Still, her spokespeople say that he has no intention of letting this minor setback affect her public appearances. "Mrs Thatcher is a world-renowned leader, with a lot to offer in terms of both knowledge and expertise at the highest level. She is also a doughty old bird, and henceforth shall be wheeled around in a specially prepared coffin equipped with a tube through which she can talk. She has no intention of lying down just yet!"

The Tory party is the blue one.

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