For those who have been paying attention

Some people just have to spoil it for the rest, don't they?

I'm sure you know the types. The kind who'd mock the chimpanzees into flinging their semen at the bars on a school day out at the zoo; the kind who always, always write rude words backwards in the humidity on the back window of the bus; the kind who pushed my head down the toilets at Chessington world of Adventures. And who gets a choc-ice after that, I ask you?

No-one, ladies and gentlemen, no-one. Mrs Hewson said no-one could have a choc-ice after that.

I, personally love the idea if the Internet: a free play of ideas between the best minds of their generation, neurons fizzing and cavorting in the ether. However, it has come to my attention, that some people wish, and wish only, to spoil it for others. They have taken advantage of my good nature, and pointed out that, if nothing else, I am not good-natured; and pointed that out on this very site .

It has been pointed out that there is something of an irony in my having detailed gory, personal, and quite intimate details of the lives of almost everyone I know, whilst being quite so precious and fey about myself. Indeed, one might suggest that listing the number of children's heads that were torn from an ex-girlfriend's vagina (although they were not mine) (the children, not the heads) might be considered indiscreet, whilst posing my own infidelities as unavoidable mishaps (with Chloe, who, before she became a lesbian, rang to see if I wouldn't reconsider. Or, she thought about it, I'm sure. Maybe she didn't have my number...) is either disingenuous or just shit.

Everyone has a right to an opinion. Except here.

It is therefore with a heavy heart that I must remove all comments not by me, or which do not conform to the following statements:

1)Anyone who writes a blog is not, as one might assume, opening themselves up to ridicule from the whole world, but, instead, is most probably a sensitive and gentle lover with an abstruse but educational taste in music and, quite possibly, a great man.
2) My life's more interesting than yours.
3) Cool people spend all of their time on the Internet, particularly constructing drunken satires about people who do not have the benefit of a right to reply.
4) I like my coffee how I like my women: milky, and injected into my eyeballs just before I wake up.
5) If poetry dost thou lack
To this site, hop'st I, you will come back.
There are very few, or scarcely worse,
Because it all is done in verse.

I hate to have to sound like Joseph Hitler, but something really has to be done. Blogging is an important way for people to communicate their basest thoughts to each other. It is a place for a free interplay of concepts and ideas. Let us not, then, have people abuse that, by freely bringing offensive or odd, ideas into the ether.

Ladies and gentlemen, it saddens me, but the censorship (for your own good) starts now.