Saturday, January 12, 2008

Occasionally, and with a heavy heart, I read Craigslist's adverts for writing jobs. Maybe, somewhere in amongst the 'great opportunities' to write free stuff for desolate websites there's the one. The big one. The perfect job.

Often these are pleas for 'writing partners', in which some witless talent-vacuum is looking for someone with discernible skills to take their half-baked pub thoughts and craft them into 'writing'. One that's there at the moment says: "I may have some good ideas but i need someone professional to wrap it out and make a good story." Yes, rather than a 'writing partner' you need a 'writer' to 'write' a story. Ideally whilst you look over their shoulder and mutter 'Brilliant!' in an astounded fashion, before pointing out that Howard shouldn't die until the next bit because you thought he should do something good with Marjorie, although you haven't quite worked out what.

The same advert I quoted earlier, however, also stopped me dead in my tracks. It contains the following sentence: "I am convinced if we are on the same frequency and share the same sense for humor we can change the shape of the earth forever!"

The shape of the Earth? The SHAPE of the Earth?

"I am convinced that if I get you to do my homework for me Newton's Second Law of Thermodynamics will be suspended, and we can stop the universe drifting to a cold, entropic end!"

Not any of its more malleable qualities, but the actual shape of the actual Earth. Forever. We shall ignore the plaintive cries of those who preferred the Earth in its old shape, as its new, highly irregular gravitational pull lets them drift further off into space each time they sneeze!

I couldn't email him a response fast enough, quite frankly...

(PS - It's here)