New Yorker Confirms What You Know: Colic Is A Form Of Torture -- Daddy Types: "Sheila Kitzinger, a British social anthropologist who studies pregnancy and childbirth, has written, 'The sound of a crying baby...is just about the most disturbing, demanding, shattering noise we can hear.' The United States military has reportedly used the sound of wailing infants as an instrument of psychological stress, piping recordings of their cries into cells of detainees at Guantanamo Bay."

Good. Now I know my child is torturing me. Huzzah.

"Self respect is cool and so are you!" Thus saith Henry Winkler.

Note to anti-paedophilia campaigners. If you're going to write a song about the proper names for private parts, don't have it presented by a man named Winkler.

Now, everyone remember Fonzie's Rule...

Dave Devries makes monsters out of children's drawings. They are brilliant, and I urge you all to go and look at them now...

Today I had my wife scanned. I have spent the afternoon gazing misty-eyed at a grainy picture of the parasitic proto-human who seems to have established residence inside her.

Herbert Hoover said that children are our 'greatest natural asset'. I think he was suggesting that we melt them down for their valuable proteins...