New terror legislation we'd all like to see...

The Government today announced a further crackdown on those it suspects of being terrorists or terrorist sympathisers. After the recent spate of attacks on the DVLA, John Reid has called for the leaders of the motoring community to take a firm stand against terrorism. He also added that the government may have to introduce 'transport profiling', with those who owned cars forced to undergo more thorough searches at airports.

"It is clear that amongst the community of car users there is a radical fringe which poses a danger to our freedoms," he said "And until moderate car users do more to distance themselves from these extremists we have no choice but to put these new restrictions in place."

Hate preachers such as Jeremy Clarkson, and the baldy ratty-looking one off the other car programme will be detained as terror suspects. Dr Reid opined that some sections of the car-owning community were ghettoising themselves as 'motoring enthusiasts', making them more susceptible to the venomous nonsense spouted by Clarkson and his ilk.

The public were told to be aware of anyone wearing gloves with little holes in them, or muttering insane ideas, such as the fact that global warming is a conspiracy to stop people having fun.

Those on public transport were deemed to be quite safe.